This project has arisen from the findings of Listening 2004 reported in Bishop John Hine's report published by the Bishops Conference in 2005: Not Easy But Full of Meaning
90. There was little doubt that the main anxiety in the area of faith at home was connected to the communication (‘passing on’) of faith and the growing generations in families who seem to have become impervious to faith or church. We listened to these concerns in the knowledge that an earlier report commissioned by the Bishops had identified families as the most effective means of bringing people to faith in God.
“What is very apparent yet again is that it is in the context of the family that faith would seem to be most effectively communicated and nurtured. Secondary to this influence is the importance attached to a sense of belonging in the local Church.”
The health and confidence of families in the area of communicating faith is therefore extremely important to the whole Catholic community. It has massive ramifications beyond the home, for the parish and for the wider Christian community, especially in the area of what we call evangelisation. So what did we learn?
91. Without exception, every diocesan conversation reflected the struggle and anxiety of parents and grandparents in passing on (the) faith to their children and grandchildren. This struggle was represented by questions of how to pray with their children, how to answer the moral questions they raised, how to share gospel values, how to cope with challenging behaviour, how to keep children involved in the Mass and the parish and even how to justify being practising Catholics as children began to rebel.
“When I pray with him before he goes to sleep at night should I kneel or is it alright to sit on the bed beside him?” (Leeds)
“Catholic parents want to bring their children up in the faith but it's proving very hard. Children are complaining very early that Mass is boring; an awful lot of young people see the Church as irrelevant and it's not just those who have not been taught or brought up properly. Parents also say they need much more help in the faith formation of their children: help finding suitable books, and prayer and worship resources.” (Wrexham)
“Teenagers not going to church. Children in Church – not welcomed in some parishes (not this one!).” (Birmingham)
“A difficulty? – persuading our 4 year old to go to Mass every Sunday.” (Leeds)
“One of the key concerns expressed by parents and parish groups was the struggle within families to keep their teenagers interested in the faith and in Mass.” (Brentwood)
92. The conversations that we heard on this topic rarely seemed to be informed by any great sense within families or the community as a whole of how faith is actually communicated and how it develops. This was further complicated by the variety in meaning of the term 'faith' to which we have already referred.
93. For example, if a participant equated faith with Mass attendance they were likely to be more focussed on the practices or external appearance of an inner faith life: how to teach children their prayers, how to behave in Church, getting them involved in the parish etc. They were more likely to identify needs such as clearer catechesis for adults and young people, more relevant homilies, more activities in the parish or school for the young, more Church teaching and better role models.
“The documents and teaching of the church are not very well distributed - we are not informed about them. Maybe there’s a need to teach us, in a more friendly language so it can go into schools, homes, on basic issues i.e. why we pray…it can be hard to answer children's questions.” (Westminster)
“We should consider placing even more emphasis on the need for young, role-model chaplains (and assistant lay chaplains) in secondary schools.” (Birmingham–North Staffs)
In Southwark we heard that 4% of respondents wanted priests to preach homilies on why we have to go to Mass, to help parents explain that to their children. These kinds of responses suggest a desire for external solutions rather than for resources which would equip and enable families internally to meet these challenges.
94. However if participants equated faith with a growing relationship with God they were more likely to request further resources for developing parents’ own faith, a more explicit Church understanding and articulation of appreciation of family life and more emphasis on the welcoming and community aspect of parishes.
“Home needs joining up with church much more and the value of what parents are actually doing needs recognizing, especially the parents’ foundational experiences of love. That’s how we start to bring kids up in the faith - by showing them love. People often feel their ordinary life is divorced from what is happening in church on Sunday, so we need more teaching about the gospel value of what we are doing as family.” (Middlesbrough)
“If my parents were not so incredibly patient, loving and blessed by God, we children would not have had such a wonderful foundation in the Catholic Church. I really feel that Parenting Courses are necessary, because when I come to have children, please God, I want to give them a good start in Christian life such as I had.” (Plymouth)
“We need to support parents as the first educators of their children so that they can become well rounded human beings through, for example, parenting programmes, marriage preparation, parents and toddler groups, Rainbows etc.” (Lancaster)
95. Of course all these needs are important and they were not always expressed in such diverse or exclusive terms. But they do illustrate a lack of coherence that exists among families and the faithful about the matter of communicating faith. For example, participants from a wide range of perspectives requested more and better catechesis. We sensed however that the meaning of ‘more and better’ varied quite considerably according to an individual’s particular perspective, including their experience, maturity of faith and prevailing anxieties. Further conversation on this particular challenge will be extremely important.
96. As a Church we believe strongly that faith is communicated in the first place by witnessing to it, that is, by practising love, justice, mercy, peacemaking and so forth in our daily lives. Parents are “the first teachers of their child in the ways of faith”. Their role in passing on faith is irreplaceable, not simply helpful, good or ‘nice if you can get them on board’. But few people we listened to spoke as if they understood this. Neither did they equate support for passing on faith with practically helping parents to be more aware of their holy work of simply living Christianity with their children, with all the example, explanation and activity that this entails. We noted too that if parents are themselves ambivalent in their relationship with the Church it also adds to the challenge of communicating faith.
“There are a lot of bewildered and hurt people in our midst who are trying to bring their children up in the Catholic faith but feel alienated themselves from it.” (Brentwood)
97. Hardest to listen to was the pain of parents and grandparents living with the bewilderment, pain and guilt of failure. This was often expressed in private conversations but was perfectly summed up by a comment made in Lancaster:
“If only the Church could be more understanding of the difficulties faced in even good Catholic homes and free us of the constant question ‘Where did we go wrong?’” (Lancaster)
98. The crunch point comes, it seems, for many Catholic parents when a decision has to be made about when to stop insisting that their children go to Mass. A corresponding crunch point, therefore, for the family of the Church must be how to help parents manage the resulting guilt, bereavement and grief.
“We have struggled with the question of whether to make our children go to church since they were 11. We have not made them go although we do. We go because we think that Church gives us time to be with our thoughts and our prayers. The service itself is boring, but that is not why I go. We hope that through our example the kids will return to the Church as they get older and they see the relevance of God in their own lives. We still see this every day in their qualities of compassion, love and care. Are they less Christian because they do not go to church? I often feel guilty about them not going, but I do not really see why.” (nk)
A member of the neo-catechumenate community explained their approach to this question:
“At the age when children are leaving the church our children are keener than ever to go because it’s a moment for them to join their own community. We don’t take our very young children to church - they are a distraction - but when they grow up and can prove they can sit still then they can go to church.” (Southwark)
99. By comparison, in many if not most dioceses we heard that the church offered little to young adults once they had been confirmed, until they were ready (and willing) to be married. This begs a huge question of where and how the Church reaches and provides for those who wait many years before marrying or who never marry for whatever reason. Nevertheless participants identified many existing opportunities that the church has to offer parents more support and resources in passing on faith.
“We can use sacramental opportunities to reach parents - affirming them and praising them for what they are already doing.” (Liverpool)
“Post-sacramental support is needed for parents - the programmes that are available are a source of hope. These programmes need to be on a continual roll so there is a continual stream of support to help families.” (Middlesbrough)
100. We also heard one or two good examples of family-centred catechesis in sacramental preparation:
“In my parish we take a Baptism preparation programme in four sessions direct to parents in their homes. In this way we are able to talk to both parents at once, and also to provide a service to parents, tired from broken nights. (Church-based programmes are often attended by only one parent whilst the other baby-sits at home). This is often the only opportunity to reach the non-Catholic partner in a 'mixed marriage' and frequently that partner is most appreciative of our programme. We do make the point that there is one baptism and that the Body of Christ - the catholic church (small 'c') - refers to all Christians.” (Middlesbrough)
“When my son made his first communion last year the preparation was quite different to when his older brothers did it. This time the parish rather than the school organised it all and sent someone to visit us every other week for about ten minutes each time. Our ‘supporter’ would sit down with my son and go through the materials and in between times we had to get on with it ourselves. I was a bit cross at first – we had to tidy up and stay in on a Saturday, and it was more effort than just making sure he was dressed properly on the day. But very soon I enjoyed the visits and getting to know someone new. I felt respected for what I was doing and that they (the parish) really cared about us all. We even got to choose which Mass he could make his first communion at.” (Birmingham)
101. We are sure there must be more such examples around the dioceses and that these models are worth exploring and developing. They have potential for strengthening the bonds between parish and families, helping parents to take responsibility and also providing a point of contact in case of further need. By focussing on the home they might also fit in better with busy family lives and support the family ‘togetherness’ that seems so hard to manage.
“People are under pressure and are doing their best to stay normal - they find it hard to come to talks and sessions - they say they want these things but when they are provided their diaries are already full. Is catechesis being done in the right places? Maybe we need to take it to people not expect them to come to us.” (Westminster)
Inevitably the question of home-centred catechesis is likely to create additional demands on those with responsibility for child and vulnerable adult protection within the parish or diocese. But the wider benefits are well worth further consideration.
102. There was also a recognition that though some young people did not practice their faith this did not mean they were without faith. In the course of several diocesan conversations participants pointed out that practice of the faith did not always consist of going to Mass.
“Young people often have a very strong faith but they often express it in action rather than in church.” (Westminster)
“We should stress that being Catholic is more than going to Mass - while we wish to encourage our children to go to Mass we want them to know that being Catholic is more than that.” (Cardiff)
“Although it was recognized that some children stopped attending the sacraments as they grew older, it was believed that the grounding in Catholicism developed strong moral and spiritual principles that would never leave them.” (Forces)
“I am disappointed my children are not regular attenders but I know they love God by the lives they lead, so I pray they will return.” (Leeds)
“We have caught the modern habit of denigrating our young. No one says anything good about teenagers - they are lovely - we need to make positive efforts to love them, wait while they go off and make their mistakes and then welcome them back as adults. And stop looking at them as a problem because they are lovely.” (Southwark)
“Today’s youth are better informed than my generation and an amazing number show practical concern about today’s social justice issues.” (East Anglia)
103. In the sense that faith is a developing relationship with God, we wondered if families have a tendency to be too quick to see themselves as failures. Perhaps, in the same way, the church is too slow to take its share of the responsibility for not helping more to attract and retain the attention and interest of children and young people. We heard the following stories from families who are very active and involved in their parish life:
“Due to the extent of our involvement in various Church activities, we either find ourselves at different Masses or if at the same Mass different positions in the church. Unfortunately the time will come when the children will not want to come along with us anymore. So it is important that they appreciate going as a family to Mass now. Children are easily distracted and become bored in this adult environment. They need to be encouraged to want to know more about what is going on. We try to follow the ‘come to Mass’ books and various other biblical stories to hold their interests but it is difficult.” (Nottingham)
“We feel overburdened by expectations from Church and clergy. How do we cope – not well.” (Arundel & Brighton)
“The time factor is a difficulty: catechists who look after children's liturgies etc. feel it necessary to go to another Mass to fulfil their obligation.” (Southwark)
104. One difficulty when talking about this point of retaining the interest of the young is that to some it inevitably seemed to suggest ‘change’ or ‘entertainment’ and therefore occasionally provoked a defensive or hostile reaction. We felt that language might need to be employed sensitively in this area. Perhaps we need rather to consider how a range of diverse needs can be accommodated within the life and practice of the Catholic faith so that no one feels alienated or excluded, and everyone feels welcome and included. |
